A Whoopdi Drunk In A Funk!

Liquor and prima donna actors. We may as well have farmers selling tractors. What could go wrong? Hmm, maybe Robbie Raisin should play along. They may make news in a bad way. A ratings win for the day.

A Beer for The Shower's

Whoopdi Friggin Doo

Hopefully they aren't drunk like one of the past. I don't know what our viewers will think of a double cast. Maybe two drunks are better than one. We'll find out when this is spun.

A day that commemorates a man in an adult diaper shooting you in the heart with an arrow... I guess I'm not the only one who sees something deeply wrong with that.

Also, I wish I was cool enough to do a rhyming interview.

Being cooler than a man in a diaper is a promising start. Unless you take that fetish to heart.

Don't even talk to me unless it's endorsed by Dr. Oz, but if it is, then I'll hand you my credit card and you just keep charging until you're satisfied.

This show is endorsed by him. Hand me that credit card on a whim.

I wish my paycheck was bigger. What's 25% of 0?

Now you say you can't pay? Pfffft figures we'd get bums on the show today.

I once had a coworker who out of nowhere said, "I wish my penis was 25% bigger." We just all looked at each other in horror. That awkward moment when you know your coworker is undersized. Also, he's Asian. We just pretended he didn't say it.

Hanging around Asians with small peckers. You sure aren't out buying any double deckers.

So all I needed to enjoy Grease was a spoon full of Mary Poppin's sugar? No wonder I thought it was terrible and overrated and John Travolta has always been very obviously gay.

Did you send him to the pecker guy? Wow, what beer makes you let fly.

Today, as we go forth into a new era of artwork, let us all remember where we started from: football headed stick figures with nicotine addiction who constantly soil themselves.
And most people might think I'm going to lose that gun battle because I'm holding my gun wrong, but it's actually a defensive stance. The bullet from Brandon's gun will hit the butt of my gun, bounce off, and take out 90% of his tripod 'third leg' so we can be even.

Or is Brandon's tripod going to look him up? Wow, beer makes you one frisky pup.

I think maybe my dogs are cats. I take them outside, and they just look up at me like they want to come back in. Then I bring them back in, and they lounge on the couch like lazy a-holes.

And then I do the same thing, because hey, smart dogs.

It was just a comparison to force a rhyme. You didn't need to take it to heart like no speech to a mime.

I don't think we have to tell you how much we love zombies, so it's great to see this. What a cool story. He's a role model for me, not just because I love zombies, but because we share the same ability to grow facial hair.

Sitting around is dog like and zombie like? Wow, to the loony bin you may need to take a hike.

Ha! I especially love the million dollar book idea. It seems that everyone I meet has a GREAT idea for a bestselling book, but just can't find the time to write it. That's all you need to do to write a NY Times bestseller, you know. Just write it.

So my idea is bad? What can I do to get there then at my pad?

Hey, we're here! Don't mind the screaming child or the broken body parts. Those are just a part of the job. Unfortunately, I haven't yet broken my head so as to rearrange it back into a football pattern, but just wait until the next camping trip. Maybe I can have a bear sit on my head and flatten it out.

Have a bear flatten my head? I think our days of taking advice from beer nuts are officially dead. And so ends our show...

Greek Mythology: still makes more sense than Scientology.

And after those wise words, now ends our show. Zeus may come down and crap out kids like turds, you know. We can't be around for that. Tune in tomorrow for when we try to round up another dingbat.

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Look at the beer guys go. They must have gotten into some and were all aglow. Zombie and Travolta loving would take a lot of beer. Not sure which one would strike more fear. Would sure need more than a spoon full of sugar too. Such fetishes the cat never knew. At least they one upped the crazy singing bass. He doesn't have any summer lovin planned that is known to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.