Learning A Thing Or Ten...Or Not At Our Den!

Aren't I pretty? Of course I am. I can answer myself when there are two of me, right? While I stare at myself and take a break, Blabber wants to see what I've learned from her. I've already taught with over 3100 posts, so one from her couldn't hurt. What? I don't get a break? Stop talking to me reflection. You aren't real. No deal.

Things maybe, sorta, kinda, learned from Blabber...I mean LMF...I mean Jax...I mean Jaclyn. Damn, she has more names than Pat pretending to be a cat. 

1. Something as silly as hiding behind a self proclaimed nickname can really become exhausting.

Having given yourself 50 or so, I think it is a safe bet you learned from experience there. The cat will give you this one.

2. There's nothing worse than having to force food you don't like down your throat.

Nothing worse? What are you eating? Snail poop? Battery acid? Platypus? I'm sure slowly dying in a ditch after getting stabbed, hit by a car, and half eaten by a bear would be worse. Just saying.

3. It's refreshing for a man to open up, but it's awful when they cry and moan over everything.

Geez, just can't please. Say nothing and you are bad. Say too much and you are bad. Tell a woman she needs to stop being so emotional and you may wish to be half eaten in the ditch. Can't win.

4. Instead of parking in the spot closest to the door, park farther away and take those few extra steps.

But..But...okay, we'll give you that one. Lazy humans can't take a few extra steps. Oh no, we have to park 50 feet away even though we are already going to walk in the store anyway. Pfffft. Yeah. I already taught this. See? She stole from the cat. How rude.

5. Enjoying people’s company and indulging in a gourmet meal without all the work is a great time!

It is? Even if said meal gives you gas? Sends you into an allergic reaction? Chokes you? Is food you don't like that you have to force down your throat? The people are annoying? I'm not too sure on this one. Take it with a grain of salt people.

6. Sneaking out to club in hot red dresses with open shoes are over.

But...but...I just ordered them both. Do you know how hard they are to find in my size? Wait. You do. Shopping in the kids section all the time. That is okay, everything comes back around again.

7. The best way to feel confident is to properly groom yourself.

Proper way? Are we talking full on waxing? Ouch! Not sure I want that kind of play down there. Can't I be confident with a little hair remaining?

8. If you are seconding everything that I say, I’m going to think that you don’t have a mind of your own.

I think we've established I've got that one under control. Next!

9. Avoid asking your date a billion questions.  Nobody wants to be questioned like they are on trial for murder.

But, but, but...they may be the next Jack the Ripper. Do you really want to end up dating a serial killer? Think of the nasty smells that would come from the basement. Hey, maybe the smell would put your serial killer babies to sleep. A plus to not questioning.

10. Pretending to be something else is unnatural. 

Damn. Here I was hoping to be a door. Oh, the naughty thoughts that just came. I'll leave that one alone.

11. If we're together and there's silence, I promise you that I WILL break it.

Hey, since when did this become about you? Are you mad I went past ten? Whoopsy. I...

12. Beard hairs on my toothbrush may justify a full on break down. 

Hey, you didn't even let me finish. I guess that beard hair got stuck in your teeth. You've gone a tad mad. Do they make pills for that?

13. I'm constantly mortified by the things that come out of my mouth on a daily basis.

I guess not. Or at least they haven't worked. Why are you still talking about you? This is supposed to teach people. 

14. When a man can’t keep eye contact with me it’s never a good sign.

Maybe he's wondering how long before he can run away? What? You said you mortify people with what you say. Not me. Can we get back to learning?

15. Since the days are shorter and the nights are colder, the couch is looking real good!

Isn't that more of a statement? I think you've become distracted. Focus. Yes. We went over ten. The world won't end. Focus.

16. When I get in a funk I tend to turn down opportunities to veg out on my couch.

We got it. You love your butt-juice-free couch. Are you ready to continue yet?

17. For the love of God, wait until the sexy, single chick you're talking to walks away to pick it! 

Now there you go. You are getting back to the teaching. You might want to be more specific though. What if you are on a Bingo date? You might have to pick something then.

18. We all get itches, but can you wait until you find out the girls name before scratching your junk? 

Damn. Am I going to have to put an R rating on this thing? You really get all itchy when sitting on your butt-juice-free couch. But wouldn't she appreciate you scratching the itch so she doesn't have to? What? Don't look at me like that.

19. No man should be groping a lady's behind before even saying hello.

And you say the cat has a fascination with butts. You are all over the place with butts and other parts. But what you're saying is that I can grope her backside after saying hello? So when I'm on trial I can call you as an expert witness? Great! A butt groping I will go after a simple hello!

20. Anyone can say anything, but people can only act the truth.

I can say things in Greek? Damn, I never knew that. So actors are acting the truth? The world is going to be zombie infested? Cats can really talk? Those reality shows are really real? I think that's it for the day. I have to sit back and contemplate this eye-opening revelation. Wow. It is...

21. The best part of blogging has been meeting and getting to know all of you.

Finally! After 21 there is something that we can agree on. Took you long enough. Now go pull that beard hair from your teeth and relax on your butt-juice-free couch while thinking of body parts. The cat will finish this out.

Did you learn anything from the woman of 50 names today? Did the cat purposely pick things he could make fun of at his bay? Would I do that? No. Never this cat. Now you can see what she stole...umm...borrowed from me at her sea. I think I should go find a lass. Maybe after hello, she'll also grope my little rhyming ass.

At every turn there is something to learn.