Time For Testing Testing

I think it has been a while since the cat posted something here. Who knows though as time is different for a rhyming rear. What? That doesn't count one bit? Bah. Do you think I give a...spit. Admit it to me. Your mind went dirty. I even cheat rhymed there. Oh well. I double dog dare. Why would you double a mutt? Are you that obsessed with sniffing a butt? You better not tell. If so, you may be told to go to...hell. I said it that time. Didn't want to fool you twice with my rhyme. And now away we go. Who will read it? Damned if I know.

Hey! Welcome to the beach. Why don't you come sit on this rock, Bob. I think it is a very good rock. But remember you need to have sat on three other rocks before you sit on this one. It is just the way it is. We can't have you sitting on this rock even though it is the same rock unless you sat on three more rocks first. Tomorrow it may be four rocks before you sit on this rock, but today it is only three rocks. Make sure the rocks are the right brand of rock too or they don't count. You really want to sit on this cool rock and be at the cool kids table, don't you? So sit on those three rocks, excuse me it changed, four rocks first and then you can sit on this rock. The rules are ever changing. I can't help it, Bob. In order to sit on this here cool rock you need the three, excuse me still getting used to the change, four rocks beforehand. Then you will get the full pleasure and worth of sitting on this here fifth rock. But hurry up. Tomorrow it may be the sixth rock.

"Uncle Pattie, you scared the crab away. You shouldn't have aimed your penis that way."

"The crab is still there. He's just a little peed on."

"Uncle Pattie, can you get it? I want to see."

"I think I'll pass, but I'll watch you get it with your grabbers."

"But Uncle Pattie, you peed in the water. I peed in the water. I'm not going in there."

"I guess the crab is just going to have to stew in pee then."

"Uncle Pattie, do crabbies eat pee stew?"

 "This one did."

"Ewww!"

"Human, are you down there telling the crab pee story again? You really need to hang out with more than tiny humans."

"He hangs out with us. That counts, right?"

There was a time when it counted or didn't count. Now there is a time where it doesn't count or does count. The count is twisted until the counted desire comes to be. The count is irrelevant. The gullible and other nuts are the relevant count. There in lies the really extra count. Two for one. Come get yours and count your savings. Forget that the date will go bad in 1 of 2 of your count. Forget the price difference has been accounted for. Just count those slashed prices. Don't see the light. Stay in the dark and count the amount. Your bank account will love you for it. Or credit cards. Hey! Get that light away. Go bank into the darkness. Live that count. 92.54367447% of others already do. Don't be a count within another count.

NO LIGHTHOUSES WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS COUNT!

(Although if you step in one of those cracks, you may not be coming back.)

(You'll cross that bridge when you come to it.)

Or maybe right now. Why wait to burn the bridges that need burning? Light the suckers on fire and watch em burn. This constant need for "what if" drives you to keep the rotten, decayed, moldy, holey, leaky bridges in the odd chance that you may need said bridge one day. Or maybe the comfort of the bridge and all its mold lets you be comfortable in misery. Maybe you can't find a match or afford a lighter. Maybe you just use maybe and maybe the bridge burning away. Maybe the water is poison and you don't want to risk falling in. Maybe you need to light the sucker on fire, watch it burn, and dry off any residual water. Plus, stay out of water that could have been peed in by strange humans. Or just fish. They pee there too.

What? You get all itchy if you stray from a path or burn the bridge? Did you just pop a Xanax? Sorry. That won't make this itch go away. You'll need some good lotion for this one.

That's right. Beware. Beware of the sign. Beware humans because you and your "a cat is so much work," "a dog is so much work," "I don't have the time," "Poor me. Feel sorry for poor me." Deserve to get bitten and maybe contract worms. Just saying. Oh and many of the ones who go on about "saving" need a bite too. Maybe I'll watch em all slip in cat pee first. Human race is going down the drain anyway. May as well hurry up their slip in. Just don't bring your self absorbed ego near me or...

I knew the mutts were good for something.

That they are. Oh and yeah. That biting sign is true. Stick your hand in and find out for sure. I double dog dare you. Yep. That sounds as dumb as I thought. Just go away and no bites will happen.

I think that is enough to take root for today. Hmm. Did I take the root or did the root take me? Did it grow or did it just appear? Do I really have roots in me? Damn. Those are going to hurt when they pass. I hope I'm not near any crabs that want to pinch me.

There was something that made this post take root. 

Hmmm. Wasn't there some IWSG question about audio? Oh yeah. Why do I need that? I have enough voices in my head. No need to add one more. I'll stick with just writing them out.

Wait. I wanted to make some eat crow. You aren't crows. Oh? You wanted to give Fundy Blue nightmares. I guess you can stay. And so this post has come home to roost. Or maybe not home, but home adjacent. Now time to get up with the roosters and don't go sitting on one's rooster. 

Why would anyone sit on a rooster? You humans sure have many ways of saying butt. But that we'll leave to the rooster at the butt crack of dawn. 

No wonder they crow so much. One can only take so much giant mooning every morning before they crack. That wasn't such a tough egg to crack.

Damn. I'm going on and on and on and on. Quick. Cut to something none butt related.

Damn it. Can't a guy catch a break. I think I'm the butt of this joke. Or you are. Depends on which count you're in. Count that up and see. Don't forget to sit on four rocks first. But...Stop. Where's my...

There it is. There is my why. Why? Just why?

About time, human. Now let's get to walking before people think you are even more nuts. 

"Too late."

But never too late for a walk.

"Got that right. Time to go. Hope you enjoyed the show. We may bite, you know? Now I'm doing it too. Okay. I'm through."

Well this is random, much like this post. Guess I better burn this bridge down already while you question my sanity, bridges, counters, rocks, dogs, cats, humans, signs, poison ivy, butts, roosters, and what pees in the ocean.

Enjoy life, push through the strife.