Pat Hatt Time: 2023

Time to Enjoy

The IWSG is asking do you say what you enjoy or critique? Pffft. The human says it is time to fly, so we will go with enjoy. Why bother with the other nonsense when not asked for? Sorry, sand. You are too sandy. Nah. No fun. Let's fly over it and enjoy.

What? We aren't flying? Just you. We have to stay with Nanny? Okay. Maybe we'll critique that. That is bad. There. See? Not fun but needed.

Try living in a cat bed. Then you may not enjoy.

Or you can enjoy by standing in front of St. Me Cathedral.

Or maybe not enjoy as you spy on the rich people. Or maybe that is your thing.

Or maybe enjoy a model or three as you come to see.

Or enjoy being as mad as a hatter. Crazy works just fine here.

Or feed the foxes. Shhhh. I never did that. Nope. Not me.

Or enjoy the Christmas spirit.

Or enjoy pretending a crab is biting your butt.

Maybe enjoy feeding the birds and not getting pooped on.

Or a big tree all decorated up to see.

Or trapped in the world of birds.

Or freezing in the night by the lights. I guess it is good to know what year it is. See? Can enjoy and critique too. Who knew?

Enjoy the big bright circle with your sign. Not really yours as you don't own it, but let's pretend.

Or maybe go to the square and see things that umm scare.

Take in a show as a kicking The Rockettes go.

Then play tourist at night with many a big light.

Or during the day. The lights are there to stay.

Grab a dog and kiddos and watch the parade. Enjoy before the memories fade.

Even join the Barbie trend. That thing is never going to end.

Feed a stoic mutt while he sits on his butt.

Look at a wall and see NBC along the hall.

Radio City is a place. Give it an embrace.

Or go to the tonight show. It may be better than the today show. You never know.

Stick your head in a shark. Warning. May leave a mark.

See the ice and the covered tree. Boy. That must take hours to decorate. Costs half a million bucks to rent a room near there too. I'll leave that to you.

And another tree. All decked out to see. Can you feel the spirit yet?

What about now with the jolly fat guy? He sure isn't shy.

So there you are. Can enjoy near and far. Let the critique go, unless asked for by so and so. Yeah. I slipped into rhyme. I do that from time to time. Do you say what you enjoy? Do you ignore and play coy? Or do you go aboard the author when never asked to do so? Inquiring minds want to know. Or maybe not. That sand is sandy by a lot. Something must be done. Oh, speaking of done and fun....

I just finished putting this up too. I enjoyed writing it between flying here and there and going here and there with NYers. It's true.

Hope all have a great Christmas and holiday and enjoy some time with family and friends. No need to critique at all. Just deck that tacky hall.

Maybe I'll fly away once more. Who knows what 2024 has in store. Let's hope it isn't death. What? I'll enjoy as long as I draw breath. Why would you draw it though? I can't draw so that is a no go. Guess I'll just keep doing it. Anyway, enjoy the holidays and never get too old to enjoy shit.

Whoops. Danny Glover may need to give that a pass. I was a little off with my little rhyming ass.

Time For The AI Size of It

The road we travel may look foggy, but it will clear. The road we travel may look foggy, but it will just drop you off a cliff. The road we travel may look foggy, but it is just Sasquatch letting loose a fart.

What do you think of those? Can you apply them to anything? Yep. You can apply them to anything. Even a farting Bigfoot.

Can take the hopeful road. Can take the doom and gloom road. Can take the ridiculous sky is falling road.

The choice is still yours which one you take to anything in life. For now at least. Like for instance with AI. All are going on about it now. Will it write full length books? That it may. Will they be good? That they may. Will...Why are you asking me so many questions? This isn't a psychic hotline. But if you really want to give me $9.99 a minute then I'm game to keep answering.

Right. On with it. Back to AI and the three things you can apply to anything.

You can go hey diddle diddle and just fiddle in the middle, but that isn't part of this riddle. Besides, if we go R rated someone may pitch a fit and the AI will ban us, so let's not fiddle in any middle there diddle diddle.

Human, what are you going on about? You blabber more than us. Oh, look. Bath toys!

bark bark bark

quack quack quack

See? No robot can replace this.

Sorry, boys. That isn't entirely true. They could replicate your yapping and the duck quacking and even go at it and clone you.

But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Hmmm...Well I guess I just crossed it. Damn. It was a nice bridge though.

All aboard the AI express. Next stop, relaxation while AI does all the work.

All aboard the AI express. Next stop, death after the AI kills you.

All aboard the AI express. Next stop, Bigfoot farting in the mountains.

Are we still on this AI thing? I thought we crossed that bridge. AI will do it all. From writing to cloning to barking to...

Giant fiddles? Ummm...okay. AI doing it all may have been a strong word choice. Maybe humans will still be good for something after all. Take that, Skynet.

Next up...A giant....Doorknob! If you can turn it then the AI will let you live.

Are we still climbing this hill? Is it one I want to die on? Nah. Let me take the easy way down. What? AI controls this too? It will take control and plummet me to my doom. We have to walk. No way is any wanker robot getting me. Us. You. Whatever. Robot has me all confused. Trying to kill me with a gondola. How rude is that?

Goodbye, hill. I shall not stand on you anymore. You have proven with your giant fiddle that maybe we can diddle in the middle and have things to fiddle when the AI leaves us with no middle.

Human, you are nuts.

Yeah. No AI could ever replicate me. I'm too beautiful.

Ignore the prissy kitty and hear us roar.

Or my death glare. Wait and see what I do to you in your sleep, human. You won't have to worry about Skynet.

Wait? The cat said I didn't have to worry. Skynet is already blocking my path. It's a trap. I should have known that black cat superstition was true. Right up there with Bigfoot farts. Damn, Sasquatch and black cats.

Bah. Now they took the road out. I'm trapped. Trapped, I tell you. Skynet has it in for me.

Are you still here? You do know none of this makes any sense, right? Pfffft. Humans. No wonder AI is going to replace them. You may as well just go jump in the river right now.

Not you, tiny human. Don't listen to the evil black cat. Come back. Don't do it. It's not worth it. The AI is still 20 years away. You'll be an old fart then. Unless I made a rounding error.

Uncle Pattie, follow me. I know how to stop the wanker robots.

Pssst. This could be a booby trap. Remember me.

Pssst. Pssst. I should have stuck with a middle diddle back at that fiddle.

See? We just bowl the robots over. The wankers will never know what hit them.

Except the robots can control the bowling alley and make the balls fly back at us. You have it in for Uncle Pattie. Even after I changed your nasty diapers, Death by bowling ball. I knew it was a booby trap.

I think we need to take Uncle Pattie home. He must have been smelling Bigfoot farts for days to act this nuts.

We'll take it from here, not so tiny humans. Even if his hey diddle diddle is open, we ain't letting him move anywhere. The robots can go suck on the kitty's litterbox.

The End!

Or is it. Could the robot really have gotten me and cloned me and replaced me along with the tiny humans and the animals and then the robots will have won?

Or did a robot that is trying to be a human who is really an alien just write this nonsense to see if somewhere in this rambling and diddling that they could prove robots may never capture some kinds of crazy. That and giant fiddles. I think we have both locked.

Suck a Sasquatch fart, AI.

Psssst. Don't know what to say? Guess I beat the AI then by making you stay quiet, which the AI can't do.

Pssst. Pssst. Don't tell the AI though. Let's keep it our little secret.

Pssst. Pssst. Pssst. My psychic hotline rates may go down to $7.58 a minute soon. Keep your eyes peeled.

Time For The 12 Year Mark

I had just returned from my latest trip to find I had mail. It must have been there forever, but I just found it, so it is new to me. Right? Right? Maybe old but new? Nope. Can't be two, so I'll go with new. New even makes a rhyme for you. Anyway...

Great. He's leaving again. Since when did we become nanny's pets? You need to get your little rhyming ass back here, human. You...

No comments from the poop eating crowd. Boy, you are just too loud. Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted....hmm was I saying it when I never said it? Maybe about to say is better. We'll go with that. I was about to say that the mail said I had to go...Damn it. It blew away. Who uses mail anymore? Why couldn't it have just came in an Instagram message? Why mail? Old people. Pffft.

Uncle Pattie, it isn't nice to make fun of old people. You're being a wanker.

Quiet or I'll feed you to that mongoose under these stairs. Do you see the letter?

Nope. Not there. But I see a big rock. You should get that big rock and throw it in. Then maybe you won't be such a wanker.

If I must.

I saw it, Uncle Pattie. That wanker duck took it. And look. It flew away. Your letter is gone and now you will never know where to go.

Oh, I'll find the letter. No wanker duck is going to beat me.

We'll go with. We can all catch the wanker duck.

Alrighty then, loves. Onward we go into the deep dark woods in search of a wanker duck. Who knows what we will see. Not me. Hold up. I think I need to pee.

Me too. Me three. Maybe we can save some and throw it at the wanker duck.

Let's not save some. Shake it off and let's go. We have a letter to find, you know?

Hmmm. This doesn't look too promising. I mean I'm number one and not this car thing. How dare it steal my number. Maybe it should go take a long drive off a short bridge. You think?

Oh letter. Oh letter. Where did you go? Not down there, so damned if I know.

I bet it went in that cave. It seems like a likely spot.

Uncle Pattie, zombies are probably in that cave.

No letter or treasure but zombies? Damn that. Moving on.

Seems like a good place to hide...if you were something round. Since the letter is flat, I think we should skip searching all of that.

You just don't want to search it cause they probably are full of fish poop, Uncle Pattie.

Shhhhh. Don't spill my secrets or I'll put you both in the zombie cave.

I bet that could shine a light on things. If it weren't for the damn fog. No self respecting letter would go into the fog. Let's move on.

Yeah. Like an open door to a creepy cave ever ended in anything good. Kids, you go first and let me know what's in there.

No way. Could be zombies. Or...

You two really need to let the zombies go, but just in case, let's skip the creepy open door.

Pat Hatt phone home? Do you think I remember any phone numbers let alone want to use one of these antique things? Hell no. I'd be able to walk to whoever I'm calling faster than using this thing. It's what you call vintage, boys.

Does that mean old? Uncle Pattie, are you making fun of old people again? That's not nice. Plus, you are old too.

Next cave or creepy door I find, I'm throwing you two in.

Nope. No letter here. We'd know because it would be floating along in a bottle. Letter's are cliche like that, you know?

I bet one of those tourists grabbed my letter. Now it has their tourist germs all over it. Oh, wait. They are all too busy taking pictures to ever deal with a letter. I think we are safe.

Kids, go climb that hill and check to see if my letter is sledding over there or something.

Uncle Pattie, don't you know letters don't sled? And there is no snow.

Look at you two being all realistic. If only you took that to heart with zombies.

All right you not so overgrown, stuffed, fake ass lobster. Give up the letter. I know you or the child attached to you took it.

No beer for children. Back off, human. No letter here.

Uncle Pattie, did you just talk in a high pitched voice to us as the lobster? That was...

Shhhh. I told you to stop spilling my secrets. Next you'll tell everyone there never was a rhyming cat and it was just Pat Hatt. I don't think I could take that.

Hey! Any of you see a letter? Fine. Ignore me. I'll find a bigger crowd somewhere else.

Any of you seen my letter? I know one of you got it. Give it up or I'll have these two children make it rain.

Uncle Pattie, do you want us to make it rain with pee? I don't think we have enough.

I meant crying and making them mad with your shrieking. Not getting us arrested. Children. Geez.

I think I may have spotted it. See that white thing on a roof down there? That has to be it. Let's go. Hurry your buns. Move those legs. We have to get down there.

I think I need a better view. Oh, look. Nyers. I guess I can sit on this hill thingy with them while I look for my letter in this fog. You stay down there, rugrats. You called me old so you don't get to come up.

Human...you need to be committed.

Or maybe just given a lobotomy.

Pffft. You left us with nanny too many times, so this is what we think of you. And this is how you pee in the bushes. Eat your heart out, children.

I see it. Look! It's right there. That wanker duck dropped it. Quick. Throw a rock and stop it from floating away. Good shot. You knocked it out of the sky. Now I can get the directions and no churches will need to be set on fire.

Churches on fire? That is mean and illegal, Uncle Pattie.

It's an inside joke, rugrats. Go with it.

Inside like in your body? Did you swallow the joke? Is it in your brain? Can it come out like a worm?

It means...oh heck, I got the coordinates on this antique piece of paper finally so I'll send you to Mommy and Daddy and I'll go on my merry way. I just hope no zombies are waiting for you at home. I think the other letter I lost had your address on it.

Not funny, Uncle Pattie. Yeah. That was a bad inside joke.

I guess you kinda, sorta, maybe got the meaning. Now let's get going before this thing gives me a paper cut or something. Geesh. Who uses real paper anymore? Should have just messaged on Instagram.

Are you there yet? Are you there...yet? Are you there....YET?

I'm so going to change my number so you can't call me anymore. Here I am. Made it.

Make sure she isn't a zombie, Uncle Pattie. Or a vampire. Or...

Goodbye, boys.

Nope. Not a zombie or vampire or...

Pssst. I swiped this from her blog. I don't think she'll mind though. Afterall, it has a certain person's mug in it.

July 28, 2023

Turns out my first post for the IWSG was in November 2012. Turns out I spurred someone on to actually join. I'm lucky if I can spur the kids on to do something. (Not really as I've got them trained and luck is fake, but let's go with it.) Turns out she lives far far away. Turns out she didn't at one point. Turns out I didn't exist then. Turns out I do now. Turns out through blogging we connected somehow. Turns out after a decade or so I took a drive. Turns out she was there. Turns out that the rest was history. And in case you didn't follow, turns out it was her I helped "cough" peer pressured "cough" into the IWSG.

I suppose I shouldn't use cough anymore with covid and all now in existence, but cough meh cough.

Anyway, fun what can be done over time. Even when most of what you did was rhyme. Over the years some may have wished I didn't pass gas while others may have...

Wanted to do this to my little rhyming ass.

Anyway, that was just a long winded way to say... Happy Anniversary to the IWSG group. I found the group while hopping around. Over a decade ago was sure back in the day. I guess maybe I'm old and maybe I'm a wanker. Hey. At least I'm not a zombie.

Enjoy life, forget the strife.