Time For A Five For A While

 

So over at Birgit's there was a question that piqued my interest. Plus, it got old writer brain pondering. What 5 films would you want with you if you were stuck on an island or in the end of the world scenario for a while. Hmmm Let's just go with the first five that pop in.

And it came from Cinematic Delights's Blogathon: Five Films Forever

*********

The last thing I remember was being Shanghai-ed by some crummy human trafficker's after stumbling onto their operation. They just couldn't kill me or threaten me. Oh no. They had to stick me on their crappy boat that sank when a crappy storm happened and now everyone thinks I'm dead. Here I am sitting on some unknown island with sand in places that sand shouldn't be and all I have is 5 DVDs and some weird way to watch them. DVDs? Really? Who uses these glorified coasters still anyway? I guess it can't hurt to watch them. At least they had good taste. And at least I don't have to even stop them to take a pee. Can do it right here. Deserted islands have their perks, I guess.

First up:

Die Hard

This should be good. At least....what the yippee kay yay mother bleeper!!! 

This is Die Hard 5. They stuck it in the wrong case. This can go drown with them. I'd rather be eaten by a smoke monster on this island than watch this trash to my brain ever again.

Second up:

Hot Pursuit(1987)

At least this one can't get screwed up. No sequels....what? Hot Pursuit (2015) Can't these idiots read? If I wanted something this badly acted I'd go watch seagulls poop.

Third up:

My Fellow Americans

No way they can screw this one up. Well unless they think Trump's 4 years was a comedy. Here we go...what? Stupid thing. Work!!!!!!!!!! Damn thing is scratched. First they can't put them in the right case and now they can't even keep things in decent shape. Hope they were as bad at human trafficking as they were bootlegging DVDs. 

Fourth Up:

Adventures in Babysitting

So...so...it is the Disney channel remake. I guess I won't be singing the babysitting blues today. Where is a Fast and Furious movie when you need it? No one screws those up. Knowing my luck I'd get stuck with 3 though. 

Fifth Up:

Beverly Hills Cop

Should I even bother at this point? Sigh. It figures. It is the third one. Would a polar bear come out of the woods and eat me now? End this suffering. This is worse than watching Batman & Robin. Okay. Maybe not.

Okay. Enough of this crap. They can all go into the ocean now. Stupid magic DVD player thingy can go there too. Go get your drive full of fish poop. I'll be damned if I'm going to go all Gilligan's Island or talk to some volleyball for years. At least give me Hooch.

Oh look. I missed one. Deadpool. Not bad. Probably end up being Blankman though. 

"You sound like a little child with all your whining."

Shut up, Deadpool DVD. No one is talking to you. I've clearly been out in the sun too long.

"Yeah. You are looking like a burnt steak. At least you could eat the unimportant parts if you start to starve. You aren't going to use anything you thought vital on a deserted island."

Dick jokes from a Blankman DVD. Now I really do want to get eaten by a polar bear.

"I'm not Blankman. I'm Meteor Man."

Figures. Why don't you go join Cosby in jail.

"Low blow. Low Blow. He barely even spoke in the movie."

You talk enough for both of us. Why am I still talking to you? Time I smash you to bits. 

"No. You need me."

Yeah. Like I need a hemorroid. See ya.

This thing sure didn't break easy, but at least when I smashed it I gained a little satisfaction. A little less than I did when I sank the boat of the traffickers. What? You really thought the storm did it? Pfffft.

GREAT! Now the damn pieces are glowing. And now a hole in the sand is opening up. And now it is sucking me in. I might as well roll with it. Even if I end up watching Grease 2. Wait. No. That would be bad. I'll take the island. Stop! 

Hmmm. Back in my bed. Cat between my legs. No glorified coasters. Guess it was just a dream. Or I guess a nightmare. Anything with Die Hard 5 has to be a nightmare. 

THE END

*****************

Geez, Pat went off there. His mind is a scary place. Well maybe not to me. I've lived with it long enough. See any of the movies above? Got 5 you wouldn't mind watching over and over and over again? I'm reminded of that Stargate SG1 episode. No matter what 5 you like now, give it a year. You'd never want to see them again after that.

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

Time For A Trip

Don't I look so impressed? Bah, that is just the flashy thing I'm rolling my eyes at. These are great. They are mighty good to chew on. What? I can't read. What do I care what they say. Pat hid them on me though. How rude is that? Theresa and her Mixed Nuts whipped these up for me and sent them from her new etsy store and Pat took them away. So I figured while Pat is...

Pretending to do this when really...

At first I was cursing her and her mixed nuts because I stopped to use a giant litterbox and found THIS!!! Who would have thought a place named Roseway wouldn't be rosy. They need to change the name.

So I ventured farther and found a place to go that was even more out in the boonies. Yeah. I lifted my leg off the wharf. What?

Then I saw this lighthouse thing that humans are in awe of. Really? Can't say I get the appeal. It's like a giant red dot. Wowweee.

This thing stuck out like a sore thumb. In a good way? Maybe. The birds covering it kinda put me off. Maybe Blabber can come scare them away with her bird whispering.

And then I found a giant litterbox with no snow. Just watch where you step if you ever visit.

And onward I continued. Down some road that wasn't white. Only to find...

Foggy trees! An island of foggy trees. A dead end with an island of foggy friggin trees. Wow!

Oh, and there was a rock. Isn't it umm rocky?

Then I snuck into this place. For a town that has lock in its name, the locks were pretty easy to get by. I think they need a security expert.

And yeah, here we have water. Not sure on the appeal. But it's water! Awe!

And a rainbow over water. Woweee. Light and water. Now we were talking.

I stayed on the outskirts of this one. Any town with loony at the start of its name isn't very appealing. I don't want to visit an asylum. What? Lunen, you say? Bah, you say it wrong.

And here we see water between a town and cement. That has to impress, right?

And finally...finally...ugg...can't...it's more...ugg...water. But hey, at least I peed there.

After all of that I went and had a nap. Don't you like my travels? Have you ever taken any day trips? Did you see Theresa's new store? Do I have a future as a tour guide? Maybe Blabber will have second thoughts about bringing her tiny humans here. That's the last thing I need. More tiny humans. I'll just make her sneeze a bunch. Anyway, I'll leave the travel to Theresa and her mixed nuts for now. Time to nap. 

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

 

Time To He Said She Said

 

The cat said that it was time for another post. The cat said that I wanted the cat said. The cat said he thinks you will get it by now. The cat said that you must have by now. The cat said we better get on with it. The cat said it was time to already. The cat said he was getting annoyed. The cat said for the human to stop typing. The cat said...ugg going to nap now. Here is the question which the cat didn't say.

Being a writer, when you're reading someone else's work, what stops you from finishing a book/throws you out of the story/frustrates you the most about other people's books?

Can you guess yet? Yep. You said it. Whenever I read a book and they insist on putting dialogue tags at the end of everything my brain feels like it is going to explode. Especially if it is just two people talking. I don't get confused that easily. He said. She said. He said. She said. He said. She said. Shoot me now. I give some slack to writers just starting out, but I've read some that are on book 10 or so and keep doing it. Unless you are writing for toddlers, who I don't think would even get that confused, he said she said he said he said she said she said she said needs to go out the window.

And the voluminous words need to go take a humongous walk off a tremendous cliff. We get it. You know big words. Unless your character is one of those people that think their crap don't stink and needs to use big words to sound smart (I worked with one of those before) then you don't need to use words that make people look up the meaning or just skip over. When am I every going to use voluminous over large or big? If I want to expand my vocabulary, I'll read the dictionary. 

Those are just two that popped in. Do you have anything that stops you from reading a book? And don't forget about the Twitter Pitch if you have a book ready to go. Also today is the day the winners are announced for last year's anthology contest. Have a look here!

Enjoy life, forget the strife.