Time For The 10 of 2020

 

Seriously, who puts a toilet on stairs? You humans are weird. I mean unless you are the perfect height, you either miss or hit your head on the ceiling. Or look like some demented frog when you sit down. The cat will keep the lid shut on this thing, much like how many wish to shut the lid on 2020 and watch it all flush down the toilet. But you may not want to do that just yet, as 2021 will be more of the same. Why flush twice? All right, before the Blabbermouth-ed one declares we are obsessed, let's get on to 10 things learned in 2020 that she wanted to do with the cat.

1. Essential and Indefinitely

Two words you only heard sparingly before 2020, unless you truly were essential, but once 2020 hit, they became the new go to words. 

2. Toilet Paper is Gold

People didn't rob for money. They robbed and pillaged for toilet paper. Really? If you have no food to eat, do you still need toilet paper?

3. Gullible

This is known, but 2020 proved it all the more. Put the nail in the coffin for the human race. Sooo many are sheep. See a Youtube video and suddenly it's the truth. Listen to some blowhard orange buffoon and suddenly it is the truth. Really? Whoever believes 5G caused COVID needs to go live on the moon. Actually, that is too close. Ship em to Mars.

4. Unmasked

People go wacko when you ask them to put a simple piece of cloth on their face. Like you asked them to wear Grandma's dirty drawers on their face or something. Yet humans can dress up in spandex and go to cons or dress up in masks for Halloween. Or you know...furries!!! But a mask...nope! It was directed by Hell itself.

5. Transportation Rules The World

Without Truckers, shippers, etc. no one would get anything. Everything would dry up in a few weeks and that would be that. Until you can go all BTTF and create stuff outta nothing, even the smartest and most essential person is screwed without them. Unless you already have your bunker fully stocked, then you are good for a few years anyway.

6. Capitalization Withstands All

 If you wanna make money, just wait for a pandemic. Hoard a bunch of TP and cleaning products and sell them at a premium. Not really new, but it does further show that there is no depth to which some won't sink.

7. Make Believe Is Still Alive

"Adults" think they leave all that make believe behind once they grow out of childhood, well 2020 sure proved that wrong. At least kids make up things to have fun and learn. "Adults" just make up things to suit their own agenda or belief so they can do what they wanted to do anyway. Pfffft.

8. No Money? Pffft No Issue

What's another few trillion in debt? If a country runs out then they just print more and more and more. Throw billions at the issue and hope something sticks. Worry about future problems in the future. The human way!

9. Double The Fun

Didn't think we'd make fun of humans for all 10, did you? Why get one mutt when you can get two? Learn from each other. Keep each other company. Make double the mess. Double the work. Double the love. Double the poop. Yeah. Just double. Don't you want two mutts now?

10. Don't Take Those Close for Granted

2020 has proved that you never know what might be around the corner and that it may be something that flushes all your plans down the toilet, so don't wait to spend time with people you care about. Even if you use common sense and do it over Zoom or the like, it still counts and keeps those you care about alive and/or healthy. Things can change on a whim and you may regret the little moments you miss. So don't miss them!

And there we go. That is that for the things learned for 2020. What? Did you expect them all to be cheery? Pfffft. You humans don't make that easy with your stupidness and other idiotic things you do. And we thought planking was as bad as it could get. Not really, but we are trying to give you the benefit of a doubt. Really trying. I guess you'll have to go to Jax if you want 10 all touchy feely ones. Just don't touch for real. That spreads germs. Not like you humans care though. Have to ra ra ra about a piece of cloth. I'll leave you with it while I take a nap. Maybe you'll accidentally choke on the cloth. What?

2020 is almost done. Time for more of the same in 2021.

Time For A Merry Post

 

Uncle Pattie, the tiny humans, the furballs, and maybe even the cat hope all in blogland have a Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday, or just enjoy the day off.
(Yeah, I'm double dipping. Shhh. Not all follow me at the other place.)

Enjoy the day and don't let the germs come in to play!

Time For Christmas Cheer?

 

It's that time of year.

The time for cheer.

Christmas is near.

Unless fat guys you fear.

Then out goes the cheer,

Replaced by fear.

Like any other time of year.

After all, the end is near.

All around the sphere.

The end is near.

Near and dear.

But Christmas is here.

So forget the near.

Go for the cheer.

Unless you still fear.

Then stay right here.

Or drink many a beer.

Could take away the fear.

May make cheer appear.

Or make you lose your career.

So maybe just adhere.

Go with the cheer.

Only this time of year.

The rest the end is near.

Hoard all tp near.

Scream and run in fear.

Go and shed many a tear.

Don't move from first gear.

At least until this time of year.

Then it is time for Christmas cheer.

So let all near hear.

Fly free with the cheer.

It is crystal clear.

The cheer is here.

Listen for the jingle of reindeer.

Get out there and be a profiteer.

Sell and maybe later volunteer.

That part could be unclear.

So stick to selling Christmas cheer.

It's the sticking point for this time of year.

You humans sure are a strange bunch. Maybe just out to lunch. Or out to supper in the dark. That could be why you miss the mark. All happy and cheery for a month or so. Then what? Back to ra ra ra you go. That's all you got in you? One month of cheer is all that's true? Do you only get cheery because of a fat guy? Are you going to lie? If fat guys are your thing, okay. Enjoy the cheer that comes your way. But remember not to buck the system. Someone may find you and slowly twist em. You can't be cheery after it is over and done. You have to go back to fear and stray away from fun. You have to get on social media and give all sass. Pffft humans really are strange to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

Time For The Productive

 

Is it that time of year again? How many times have you said or heard that? I bet some people can't count that high. Then again, some people can't read that much either, so they may be in bliss as they say it. What? Is that not cheery for this time of year? Can a year have a time? Does it have its own clock? Is the clock a secret? Can a year be a year when it is just a human creation? All right, one more question before I fry any brain cells out there. Although that may be rough considering that weed is legal up here and the stoners are going to it. Guess I'll just fry other nations brain cells. Right! On with it.

Are there months or times of the year that you are more productive with your writing than other months, and why?

Ummm productive? What's that? Is that like doing things other than work? Hmmm I think that got lost somewhere along the way between the 9-5, cats, dogs, and kids. 

Well since I hibernate more in the winter I guess that is when I can be more productive. Then again, not a fan of the super heat so I could be more productive then too. Or maybe it rains a lot in the spring and I'm more productive then. Unless spring brings a fling and then I'm more productive in the fall. Or maybe a pandemic comes and makes me more productive or less productive. Have I answered the question yet? I have a feeling this wouldn't qualify as productive. 

Maybe I should just conclude that I am productive here and there and there is no rhyme or reason to it. Well maybe there is a rhyme to it some of the time. That can turn on a dime. Beats being a mime or sucking a lime. Or is it suck a lemon? Guess you'll have to ask a demon. Eye rhyme too. Whoa hoo!

Are there times when you are more productive than others? Has productive gotten lost in the grand scheme of things at your sea? Or maybe just productive in other ways. Like scooping the poop, wiping butts, going to the giant litterbox, or fighting the mutts for socks. That's productive, right?

And FYI if you have a manuscript you need to plug, this is a good way to do it. Coming soon!

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

Time For The Supernatural

 

Nope. No monsters, witches, ghosts, or hex bags up here. I think I'm good. Pffft as if such things were really there. The cat is just hiding his head so Jax doesn't see me rolling my eyes. She is kinda obsessed with such things. I mean having watched over 300 episodes of it multiple times does make you obsessed, right?

Pat has watched every episode too. I think the only thing that he's watched that has made more is Stargate. But that took the original, a spinoff, and one very very bad spinoff that we will not even mention. So since the obsessed one wants to do a top episode list and since Pat has seen them all and made me sit there and watch them and since it is ending until the reboot, remake, re-whatever comes up, I guess I can pick a bunch. 

If you can get past all the melodrama of you lied to me...boo hoo...you kept a secret from me...boo hoo...you lied to me again...boo hoo...you kept a secret from me again...boo hoo...it is a fun ride indeed.

Top Supernatural Episodes!

(in no particular order and with some spoilers)

Just My Imagination

What if your childhood imaginary friend was real and you just thought it was imaginary? That is until it comes back asking for help. Are you nuts or is your imaginary friend not imaginary?

Weekend at Bobby's

What better way to get your soul back then to summon a demon and try to get it back? Like that is ever going to work. Especially when you rip off a movie title and have people always bothering you.

Bad Day at Black Rock

Luck may be a made up word, but what happens when it is true? Then you get all kinds of good and then all kinds of bad luck. 

Fan Fiction

What if your life becomes a musical and some creature is out to kill you? You may learn that aliens were never in the cards.

Wishful Thinking

What happens when a small town's wishing well starts granting wishes for real? You may end up with a suicidal teddy bear.

Changing Channels

What happens when you get stuck living in TV show land? You may find out that you have herpes.

Scoobynatural

What happens when you get zapped into Scooby Doo? You may learn they aren't the wisest mystery solvers ever.

Mystery Spot

What happens when you rip off Groundhog Day? Umm What happens when you rip off Groundhog Day? Umm Umm What happens when you rip off Groundhog Day? Save Me!

The French Mistake

What happens when an angel zaps you to an alternate reality where your world is nothing but a tv show? You learn the alternate yous are real douchebags.

Baby

What happens when the whole episode is shot from the perspective of a car? You don't get far if you have no gas.

Moriah

What happens when you don't do what God wants? He throws a tantrum and kinda ends the world. At least until a few episodes in. Then all gets back to normal.

Don't Call Me Shurley

What happens when God finally reveals himself to be God and not Chuck? He sings a song.

Hammer of The Gods

What happens when your car breaks down and you get stuck in a hotel with a ton of gods? You learn that they are posers compared to Lucifer. 

The Benders

What happens when the monsters are humans? You learn that they are worse.

Two Minutes To Midnight

What happens when you are searching for Death? You find him eating french fries and burgers of course.

Dark Side of the Moon

What happens when you need to go to heaven? You get killed and go there. Duh!

The End

What happens when you get zapped to a future where Lucifer has won? You learn that it is a good idea to hoard toilet paper.

Abandon All Hope

What happens when you try to kill Lucifer? Everything goes wrong.

The Monster at the End of This Book

What happens when you go into a book store and see that your hunts are all stories? You track down the guy who wrote them and learn he is God...err umm a prophet.

Swan Song

What happens when the ending that was supposed to be happens? You learn that there were still 10 more seasons left to go, with at least 3 crap ones in there.

Clap Your Hands if You Believe

What happens when aliens are invading a town? You learn that they aren't aliens but small, naked fairies. 

Beat the Devil 

What happens when you roofie Lucifer? He opens a doorway to apocalypse world.

I Believe The Children Are Our Future

What happens when a kid is born that is half human and half demon? Lots of things until they forget him altogether and never mention him again.

Unity

What happens when God and his Sister go for a stroll and then merge? You get one pissed off being.

Well that went on a while, huh? With 300+ episodes it can do that. Ever watch the show? Ever watch a show with that many episodes? Does it pique your interest? Is Jax obsessed? You can see for yourself with her post on it by clicking here.

Watch out for the monster under your bed! 

Time To Keep Kicking

 

Sitting pretty but not at ease.

Swaying in the subtle breeze.

Fearing the return is coming.

Hearing that familiar humming.

Kick. Kick. Kick.

It doesn't have to stick.

Life will come and life will go.

In the end you'll learn and grow.

On the outside looking in,

Always waiting to begin.

Kick. Kick. Kick.

It doesn't have to stick.

Life will come and life will go.

In the end you'll learn and grow.

At the end of the road.

Carrying a heavy load.

Kick. Kick. Kick.

It doesn't have to stick.

Life will come and life will go.

In the end you'll learn and grow.

The path is long and rough.

One step closer ain't enough.

Kick. Kick. Kick.

It doesn't have to stick.

Life will come and life will go.

In the end you'll learn and grow.

White and frozen as the snow and ice.

Sometimes you have to roll the dice.

Kick. Kick. Kick.

It doesn't have to stick.

Life will come and life will go.

In the end you'll learn and grow.

Out on a ledge and ready to drop.

Things just never seem to stop.

Kick. Kick. Kick.

It doesn't have to stick.

Life will come and life will go.

In the end you'll learn and grow.

A hole dug deeper with each passing day.

In a loop on continuous replay.

Kick. Kick. Kick.

It doesn't have to stick.

Life will come and life will go.

In the end you'll learn and grow.

Reaching reaching but never there.

A crack of light not even to spare.

Kick. Kick. Kick.

It doesn't have to stick.

Life will come and life will go.

In the end you'll learn and grow.

Stuck above with many below.

How you got there you don't know.

Kick. Kick. Kick.

It doesn't have to stick.

Life will come and life will go.

In the end you'll learn and grow.

Water ripples circle from far away.

The shallow end now on display.

Kick. Kick. Kick.

It doesn't have to stick.

Life will come and life will go.

In the end you'll learn and grow.

Sitting pretty but not at ease.

Swaying in the subtle breeze.

Knowing the return is there

But that you have strength to spare.

Kick. Kick. Kick.

It doesn't have to stick.

Life will come and life will go.

In the end you'll learn and grow.

There you go. Does it have flow? The cat thought about ducks kicking and this came out. Especially after Pat and the tiny humans watched them when out and about. I'd like to chew on one at our sea. What? Don't judge me? Ever just keep going at your place? Sure something that we embrace. The crap shall always pile, mile by mile by mile by mile, but can't let it give you gas. Just a thought from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

Time For The Why

 

Here today we are going to ask why. I guess that would mean I am going to ask why. Or that would mean I am going to ask why that someone else asked. I guess why is just getting passed along. Why do you have to be so fickle why? Why am I talking to something that will never talk back? Unless Skynet comes into play and then why may talk back. Hmmm that probably still wouldn't work. I guess why is still crap outta luck. If there was such a thing as luck. Why must humans make stuff up? Why aren't I getting on with it yet? I better, huh? But why?

Albert Camus once said, “The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself.” Flannery O’Conner said, “I write to discover what I know.” Authors across time and distance have had many reasons to write. Why do you write what you write? 

This one is easy. I write so the aliens will see I can spin a good tale and keep them entertained. Then they will only beam me up and not probe me or disintegrate me. Then they will see they are so good that they will give me ever lasting life and then I will bide my time and then wait for the right moment and then blow them all up. Except for my alien wife and our half alien babies. I'll save them. Then we'll steal a ship and go cruise around space for a few billion years. After that I may write a new book or two and come back to Earth and see if humans came back around again. 

So there you go. That is why I write. Not something is simple as because I have 1000s of stories in my head that want to come out. Nope. Never. It is all to survive the impending alien attack. I've got plenty of tinfoil saved in the closet just in case it backfires though. 

Why do you write? Why do you blog if you don't write? Why wouldn't that count as writing? Why must why ask so many questions? Are you ready for the aliens? Hey. No more make believe than luck. You won't be laughing when you are being probed. What? I'll go write another story now.

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

Time For A New View!

 

Do you see this? Do you see what Pat did? He put all kinds of things up there now? After the cat did all the work on the blog, now he thinks that he should get to share. There are even mutts and tiny humans. 

He should be relegated to scribe.

Or on the end of the rock.

Or with a bunch of weirdos.

Or pretending to do good while I really did all the work.

Or being a hillbilly.

Or...nah....skip this one.

Or just posing.

Or sitting in the giant litterbox where I just used it.

Or sitting in the background while I rule the world.

But oh no. He had to go and do this. He even put himself in the middle. As if. I need to find a new human.

What do you think of the new header? Do you remember the glory days of the old ones? Are you as disgusted with Pat as me? Pat Hatt Time branding he says. Pfffft I'll brand him with a new scar. Am I overreacting? I am there 6 times. More than anyone. So I suppose deep down he still knows I'm the true ruler. 

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

Time For An Easy As That

 

The cat got questioned a little while ago. Yeah. They wondered why their star didn't grow. They created a blog and posted. They couldn't believe it wasn't great because they hosted. No comments or views. They thought this was news. Ignore and block got hit. I don't have time for their umm egotistical spit. But I have time for this rhyme. Can do it any old time.

Here they flock.

Here they squawk.

Birds of a feather.

No matter the weather.

This is bad.

This is rad.

This is great.

This we hate.

It's easy to do.

Put something in view.

That is the only step needed.

Then greatness will be seeded.

No practice or building.

It will glitter so gilding.

You'll shine like a star.

One post will go far.

One tweet and you're made.

Your star will never fade.

It is all just that easy.

I have no reason to be cheesy.

You can make money while you sleep.

Your pockets will soon run deep.

It's as easy as just saying yes.

Those fees....pfffft...we'll never confess.

Just listen and learn.

Wait. That last word burn.

Write it out and burn the word.

Spellcheck will help if your spelling is blurred.

Don't learn or work.

That isn't a perk.

Put things up and that is that.

You'll be a star and never flat.

It is all just that easy to do.

No work needed by you.

Everyone gets a medal after all.

So squawk like the rest and have a ball.

Have you ever thought things would just magically happen because the keyboard you started a tappin'?  The cat hopes not or he may make fun a lot. Ever fall for the get rich overnight crap? They have pretty good talking points with their trap. What about the learn? Would you rather hit return? Seems all want it now now now. If they don't get it then they have a cow. On them I take a pass as they can't even have their eyes opened by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy life forget the strife.

Time For 10 Reasons to go to The Birds!

 

What is that I see? Another one just flew over me. The tabbies are going to hate this post today, but I had to help Jax out as she is so whiny at her bay. I'd never hear the end of it if I didn't give her a go. So here we go with a bird show.

10 Reasons To Go To The Birds!

You could buy spray to keep the ticks away, but why do that? These guys can eat them and get fat.

(But they may miss a few, so check everywhere. Yes. ticks even crawl up your butt crack. Check EVERYWHERE!!)

You could buy an alarm system or a mean mutt, but these guys are all you need to protect your hut.

(And they may even protect it from you. Score!)

You could buy gates so no one can go down your driveway, but why do that when these guys stay in the way?

(And if you accidentally run over them, no damage. Did I say that? Whoops. Guess I better duck and cover.)

You could order food from the store, or you could just eat what comes out their bum at your shore.

(Now these do taste like chicken. If only they came in nuggets ready to go. What?)

You could buy lawn ornaments or the like, or just let this dude show off and let them take a hike.

(Plus, it doesn't fade like lawn ornaments. Double Win!)

You could put flamingos or other lawn ornaments on your lawn, or you could let this guy stand there from dusk to dawn.

(And they stay far far away. Just for those who don't like things up close and personal.)

You could watch that reality tv stuff, or you could buy a bird feeder and get this little thing.

(I mean how many teenage moms, hillbillies, and plastic people can you humans watch? Oh, wait. You elected one president. Maybe you need a bunch to pick the next one so you have better odds of getting one with even half a brain.)

And then you could have this guy cleanup the mess that the top guy eats. They all like the treats. 

(Or they'll fight it out for the top. Entertainment!)

And when the day is through these guys can come fertilize the lawn for you. After they fertilize the playground and such. Don't worry, when it comes to crap they have much.

(And if you're really nice, any tiny humans around may water the garden for free.)

And if they come defective or the like, you can always make a meal and then relax after a long day's hike.

(They don't all taste like chicken.)

Now don't I have some great birding tips? Hmm are you saying I was licking my lips? Would I do that? Should I stick to being a rhyming cat? But I want to go birding too. They fill me up after a few. I'll keep the population down for her. That ought to make her purr. No? Only if she see's the birds by the ton? Damn. She's a lost cause. Oops I ate another one.

Time For A Photo Stroll

Pat was napping at our sea.

Same couldn't be said for little old me.

So I stole his phone and took a walk.

First let's get to the why with our talk.

These things were outside the window yapping.

They just screwed up my napping.

So away I went for a stroll.

Taking pictures was my goal.

Ninja turtle he is not.

His story would have a very slow plot.

A slithering and a hiss.

And he thought I'd miss.

4 gals out for a stroll.

I wonder if going to the bathroom together is their goal.

This guy is a real stickler about getting near.

I steered clear with my rhyming rear.

These things all stood very still.

Their yapping never gave me a thrill.

Oops. She had to pee.

That is something you can't un-see.

These make for a good snack.

I got my protein before I headed back.

And these two stopped and licked.

They said I went the wrong way and was tricked.

But then I just went duck duck goose.

At least I didn't run into a moose.

And look at these ugly suckers.

Have a look and your butt puckers.

And so on I went to forgive the mutts and nap.

It's all water under the bridge or some crap.

BUT!!!!!!!!!! Then I returned to Pat awake with these.

I just can't catch a break. Geez.

But then Pat quickly took them away.

In the giant litterbox they went to play.

So after my stroll across the map,

I got to take my nice long nap.

Ever go for a wilderness stroll? Was getting away or taking pictures your goal? Plenty of wildlife near the cat. They sure leave a lot of scat. Those at the end do too. Pat wipes the butt of those two. I just laugh and then nap. He can stay a sap. Now it is nap time. So ends this little rhyme.

Go for a walk and take stock.