Thanks and Giving!

Here the cat is to wish all those Americans a Happy Thanksgiving and leave it at that. Then plug and away we go.

"Right. You never ever will shut up with just a few words. You'd probably be wishing Martians a happy Martian Day before you were through."

No one was talking to you, Prissy Cassie. Go away. We are to be thankful today.

"What? One whole day? Humans sure know how to try and make themselves feel better, huh?"

Someone woke up on the wrong side of the ass pillow.

"Wasn't me. I'm still on the bum pillow."

Quiet, interloper. No one was talking to you either. I can't catch a break.

"I do admit that this is a strange custom. Sticking hands up butts to stuff things? And you humans say we are the probing ones."

Go back to cleaning up the toilet paper that I...you shredded.

"What am I? Your maid?"

Whiny aliens. I had to get a whiny alien. Now as I was saying....Oh No!

"This is really good, Uncle Pattie."

Why are you here? Go away. Shoo. I don't want your boogers. And why are you bringing Pat into this? I already have enough people talking. You are going to confuse my readers. Now shoo!

"I think you confuse them enough.

Quiet, Cass. Or I'll let him go wipe boogers on your ass.

"Am I ever thankful you didn't talk long."

Shut it. And stop trying to take the spotlight. Be thankful for good things.

"Like what?"

House, food...

"So things we should be thankful for everyday but are only thankful for them on one day?"

Quiet. I'm the cynical one. Be thankful for...turkey. There. Happy?

"So be thankful for a bird that got killed, shipped to a supermarket, had hands up its ass and stuffed with God knows what, and then eaten soon becoming human poop. Be thankful for that? Are the turkeys thankful?"

Bah, get off my blog. You are taking my way on things.

"Don't like it when used against you, huh?"

Fine. I'll give and be thankful too. Humans are only thankful one day much like that stupid Hallmark day and then they stomp on each other for deals that aren't really deals in the first place because the stores are the ones that win and usually just crank them up then put them down and if you do manage to save any money you've spent it on your meal with all the fixings and getting to where you are going to hang out with family you like, kinda like, secretly hate, and maybe really hate and you can't tell whether your smile is real or fake by the end of it while your loosening your belt and getting ready for a day full of crapping and using up your toilet paper, or Imodium, whatever your pleasure, and then driving back from where you came from in traffic that will make you swear and lose all your thankfulness that you showed for one whole day to everything that you have everyday anyway that you never show to it the other 364 or 365, next year is a leap year you know, days out of the year. 

"Did you even stop to realize your run on sentence? Geez, and I'm the one confusing your readers? What few there are."

Quiet. Unlike the other 364 or 365 days, today I am thankful for the interloper.

"Does that mean I get to blog too?"

No. Stand there and look pretty. 

"Awww, but why?"

You sound like a poop machine. Thankfulness rescinded. 

"No fair."

Life's not fair....damn it, now I sound like Nanny.

I'm staying up here for the rest of the day. Happy Thankful One Whole Day For What You Have Every Other Day, everyone! A little wordy. Hmm...maybe Cassie was right. I can't shut up.

Be thankful every day, as you don't know when such things will go away.

It's About Time I Let Out A Rhyme!

It's about time I end this thing and take care of it with one swing.

Did you see what I did there? Don't worry, you will with time to spare. At least the cat hopes so. Some people could be slow. Don't worry, it's a human thing. I said that twice with a word fling. Twice in one paragraph too. Damn, what will a grammar nazi do? Don't worry, I'll get to it before someone has a fit.

Time to be aware.

Time to be awake.

Enter if you dare.

Watch out for the lake.

There you will sink.

There you will swim.

That's enough, I think.

Let's go out on a limb.

Yeah, that's dumb.

Yeah, that's just there.

I'll use them and then some.

I got them to spare.

So...you....take....care.

I coughed up a hairball there.

Nah, that's not rare.

But you take care.

Where are you taking it?

Can care be taken far?

Is this some unknown shit?

Did you mean take care of the car?

Did you nod and agree?

Are you onto my chime?

It can be hard to follow me.

But that's not a crime.

Although it is about time.

Umm...did we take care?

Are you trying to be a middle mime.

Maybe having few words to spare.

It's not about time.

I guess there's a reverse.

Maybe drop a dime.

Maybe let out a curse.

But it's about time.

About time to take care.

One out of two with that rhyme.

It isn't so hard to be aware.

Nope, it's not about time.

Nope, you can't take care.

It's about your time.

It's about your care.

Did you catch onto the cat? Are you taking care where you are at? Did you take it far? Are you taking care of the car? See? Used it right there. Added something to spare. Take care and that is it, could go many a way with it. Do you charge for me taking care? Yeah, there are drs fees that we are aware. But what if you just wave and say it? Did you charge some shit? It is about time you told me. See? Makes sense to see. About time only means you are miffed it didn't happen when you wanted. It isn't about time in anything you taunted. If it was about time then you'd be talking about the hours, years, months, whatever of the day. Not going on and on about one finally doing whatever at your bay. Don't worry though. Whoops. A third I just gave a go. Anyway, the cat has a bunch of these that he could give sass, but I think two confuses enough from my little rhyming ass.

Take care of you and it's about time you did too.

Learning A Thing Or Ten...Or Not At Our Den!

Aren't I pretty? Of course I am. I can answer myself when there are two of me, right? While I stare at myself and take a break, Blabber wants to see what I've learned from her. I've already taught with over 3100 posts, so one from her couldn't hurt. What? I don't get a break? Stop talking to me reflection. You aren't real. No deal.

Things maybe, sorta, kinda, learned from Blabber...I mean LMF...I mean Jax...I mean Jaclyn. Damn, she has more names than Pat pretending to be a cat. 

1. Something as silly as hiding behind a self proclaimed nickname can really become exhausting.

Having given yourself 50 or so, I think it is a safe bet you learned from experience there. The cat will give you this one.

2. There's nothing worse than having to force food you don't like down your throat.

Nothing worse? What are you eating? Snail poop? Battery acid? Platypus? I'm sure slowly dying in a ditch after getting stabbed, hit by a car, and half eaten by a bear would be worse. Just saying.

3. It's refreshing for a man to open up, but it's awful when they cry and moan over everything.

Geez, just can't please. Say nothing and you are bad. Say too much and you are bad. Tell a woman she needs to stop being so emotional and you may wish to be half eaten in the ditch. Can't win.

4. Instead of parking in the spot closest to the door, park farther away and take those few extra steps.

But..But...okay, we'll give you that one. Lazy humans can't take a few extra steps. Oh no, we have to park 50 feet away even though we are already going to walk in the store anyway. Pfffft. Yeah. I already taught this. See? She stole from the cat. How rude.

5. Enjoying people’s company and indulging in a gourmet meal without all the work is a great time!

It is? Even if said meal gives you gas? Sends you into an allergic reaction? Chokes you? Is food you don't like that you have to force down your throat? The people are annoying? I'm not too sure on this one. Take it with a grain of salt people.

6. Sneaking out to club in hot red dresses with open shoes are over.

But...but...I just ordered them both. Do you know how hard they are to find in my size? Wait. You do. Shopping in the kids section all the time. That is okay, everything comes back around again.

7. The best way to feel confident is to properly groom yourself.

Proper way? Are we talking full on waxing? Ouch! Not sure I want that kind of play down there. Can't I be confident with a little hair remaining?

8. If you are seconding everything that I say, I’m going to think that you don’t have a mind of your own.

I think we've established I've got that one under control. Next!

9. Avoid asking your date a billion questions.  Nobody wants to be questioned like they are on trial for murder.

But, but, but...they may be the next Jack the Ripper. Do you really want to end up dating a serial killer? Think of the nasty smells that would come from the basement. Hey, maybe the smell would put your serial killer babies to sleep. A plus to not questioning.

10. Pretending to be something else is unnatural. 

Damn. Here I was hoping to be a door. Oh, the naughty thoughts that just came. I'll leave that one alone.

11. If we're together and there's silence, I promise you that I WILL break it.

Hey, since when did this become about you? Are you mad I went past ten? Whoopsy. I...

12. Beard hairs on my toothbrush may justify a full on break down. 

Hey, you didn't even let me finish. I guess that beard hair got stuck in your teeth. You've gone a tad mad. Do they make pills for that?

13. I'm constantly mortified by the things that come out of my mouth on a daily basis.

I guess not. Or at least they haven't worked. Why are you still talking about you? This is supposed to teach people. 

14. When a man can’t keep eye contact with me it’s never a good sign.

Maybe he's wondering how long before he can run away? What? You said you mortify people with what you say. Not me. Can we get back to learning?

15. Since the days are shorter and the nights are colder, the couch is looking real good!

Isn't that more of a statement? I think you've become distracted. Focus. Yes. We went over ten. The world won't end. Focus.

16. When I get in a funk I tend to turn down opportunities to veg out on my couch.

We got it. You love your butt-juice-free couch. Are you ready to continue yet?

17. For the love of God, wait until the sexy, single chick you're talking to walks away to pick it! 

Now there you go. You are getting back to the teaching. You might want to be more specific though. What if you are on a Bingo date? You might have to pick something then.

18. We all get itches, but can you wait until you find out the girls name before scratching your junk? 

Damn. Am I going to have to put an R rating on this thing? You really get all itchy when sitting on your butt-juice-free couch. But wouldn't she appreciate you scratching the itch so she doesn't have to? What? Don't look at me like that.

19. No man should be groping a lady's behind before even saying hello.

And you say the cat has a fascination with butts. You are all over the place with butts and other parts. But what you're saying is that I can grope her backside after saying hello? So when I'm on trial I can call you as an expert witness? Great! A butt groping I will go after a simple hello!

20. Anyone can say anything, but people can only act the truth.

I can say things in Greek? Damn, I never knew that. So actors are acting the truth? The world is going to be zombie infested? Cats can really talk? Those reality shows are really real? I think that's it for the day. I have to sit back and contemplate this eye-opening revelation. Wow. It is...

21. The best part of blogging has been meeting and getting to know all of you.

Finally! After 21 there is something that we can agree on. Took you long enough. Now go pull that beard hair from your teeth and relax on your butt-juice-free couch while thinking of body parts. The cat will finish this out.

Did you learn anything from the woman of 50 names today? Did the cat purposely pick things he could make fun of at his bay? Would I do that? No. Never this cat. Now you can see what she stole...umm...borrowed from me at her sea. I think I should go find a lass. Maybe after hello, she'll also grope my little rhyming ass.

At every turn there is something to learn.

Don't Be A Tool With The Tool!

Did they really think closing the door would keep me out? Pffft. Like that would happen when I'm about. They even tried piling stuff near. Whoops, knocked it on the floor with my rhyming rear. That butter sure is tasty. I hope it doesn't make me fat and pasty. Where are we going with this? Nope, not Pat's reflection as that you can miss. Not how butter could make you fat. You'll just have to follow the cat.

Sit on a hammer.

Swing a stool.

Paper bars for a slammer.

Steel books for school.

Each a value.

Each a tool.

Examine shall you?

Is it pro or fool?

A pot for swinging.

A pan for wiping.

A dish for slinging.

A mouse for typing.

Some a perk.

Some a hinder.

Some may work.

Like ass to cinder.

A blanket for cooling.

A light for day.

A ball for drooling.

A Go sign to stay.

Gone in reverse.

Gone in the light.

Out comes a curse.

Turned out not right.

A shoe for eating.

A hanger for wearing.

A toe for greeting.

A knee for staring.

Away from sight.

Away from mind.

Wrong beats right.

Search to find.

A hat for time.

A rug for travel.

A tongue for mime.

Some rubber for gravel. 

Found it around.

Found it lost.

Lost the ground.

Found the cost.

And there you go. Get it now at our show? Some things just aren't going to work. Some things may turn out to be a perk, but most will lead to a crappy job done. But oh no, it is quicker and then you can have fun. Yeah, then you have to do it again when it breaks. Gotta love those triple takes. Why not just grab the right tool in the first place? Seen waaaaaaaaaay too many humans do the opposite embrace. That shoe is really going to pound in a nail. Yep, that will work without fail. Saw that and rolled our eyes. It can be rather amazing...and very lame...what one tries. Do you use the wrong tools for the job at hand? The cat may make fun if you take the stand. Now I am done giving such tools sass and off I go with my butter-filled little rhyming ass.

Don't be a fool, use the right tool.

Some Sunday Sinks

Fall is sure a showing and winter is sure a coming. Stupid snow is about to come here, supposedly. That ought to be loads of fun. Cold is fine. Snow isn't. Unless you can sit indoors and watch it and never go anywhere until it melts. Then I'm with you.

Well, I guess that was a short trip that way. Time to turn around. Wait! It fell in the woods. I wasn't there to hear it. Did it make a sound? If you are pfffft-ing like the cat, then the cat gives you props. Isn't that so dumb? Of course it made a sound. Unless some sound-sucking demon rises up from the underworld, it made a damn sound. That's like me telling you I took a leak and you asking if anything came out. You weren't there to see it, so did it really come out? Pfffft. Okay, turning around now.

I guess it's lunch time. But these ones have feathers. The cat is too domesticated for that. Yeah, we already proved that much to my dislike. Do I have a point here? Not really. I just thought you'd like to see the chickens and discuss which came first. Hey, it's better than the stupid tree and sound thing.

And look what we have here. A top-notch douchebag. What makes one think they are so privileged that they can take up two parking spots? There are occasions when you might have to take up a little of a second, as people can't park great, you can't park great, etc., BUT to just pull into two wide open ones and park right in the middle? REALLY? And then to walk off like your crap don't stink. Right. Top-notch douchebag is putting it lightly. Yep. I watched the whole thing. SHE, it was a she, drove right in and parked it right there and then strolled off. Maybe that tree will fall on her car. Then there would be lots of sounds.

If good fences make good neighbors, does it still count when you can see through said fence and the dog can stretch up to the top of said fence? Does good barking make good neighbors? Does me barking as I go by causing it to bark further make good neighbors? Would that make me what my grandmother calls me, a little asshole? Maybe a shit disturber? You know, both of those are rather dirty when you really think about them. Who'd want to disturb it? I think we may need a better fence.

We have now reached a fork in the road. We have no signal because it is way way way out in the woods. We have never been here before and don't know which one we need to get to where we want to go. So which one do we take? Which one would you take? Would you turn around and go back to the safety of what you know? Would you drive on through until you got to the end of one? Just to note, driving 3 KM down a road that ends and has nowhere to turn is soooo fun. Gets even better when you have to back 3 KM all the way out.

And this is why we don't leave the house. Not even for a mouse.

"For once I agree with your rhyming ass."

Did anything sink in today? Do you pffft at the tree thing? Seen any stupid parking lately? Would you ever park like that on purpose? Get accosted by chickens lately? Got any good fences where you are at? What? Yes. I bark back at the dogs. Hey, I have to get some enjoyment out of the work day. Ready for snow? Have you ever come to any literal forks in the road? Who'd want to throw away cutlery? What? I said literal. See? Always making things sink in. Now we are done with this spin. I'll go back to sleeping with Cass and resting my little rhyming ass.

Let things sink and begin to think.

Strange Times

Well this one I think I've covered in reverse a time or 70. Many sure find me through some strange stuff. The weirdos are aplenty out there as they search away. But then maybe they are searching for something for their story. "glad that'll give stuffing your head"  Or not. Guess they want to stuff...oh where that can go...I'll just get to the question before I stuff this full of stuffing.

What's the strangest thing you've ever googled in researching a story?

Hmmm...nothing strange really comes to mind when researching a story. I've seen some strange when looking for blog posts. Flat Earther nutballs, zombie feet, people who pay other people to pee on them, furries, claims that drinking your own urine cures everything, creepy doll island, and plenty of other crap. I mean it just makes fun of itself. Not that the cat is above adding to it.

If you go down the rabbit hole of YouTube you can sure see some strange things too. You can never unsee them either, so watch that. Nothing really comes to mind there either. Guess I am just oblivious to strange. Or I've just gotten used to the fact that some people are very strange and in need of an abduction by aliens. Get your tinfoil hats out!

Ever search anything strange for a story or blog post or for this or that? Are you curious if your own urine cures all? Don't tell the cat if you try it, as then you'll be made fun of for the next 10 years. Maybe even 11. Although the joke could be on us. You could get the urine cure on this flat earth in a furry costume while we get hit by a bus. There is a story there somewhere. I may have to Google it.

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

The Miracle Of Life Without The Strife!

Check out the view before they get you. Things may look shiny but their value is tiny.

 

The cat pfffted at a few people lately around here. Or Pat did as I ran away with my rhyming rear. It wasn't fear though. I just didn't want to listen to them blow. Blow they did too. Hot air from more than a few. At least there was no spittle. That would almost be as bad as being brittle. 

Sit back and relax.

Send it in by fax.

All is fine and dandy.

This life thing sure is handy.

Handy to sell.

Dig that well.

That well is deep.

Come and take the leap.

This is such a great diet.

Now is your time to try it.

Do nothing, eat, do nothing, and eat.

That extra weight you will defeat.

This will make you rich.

There isn't a single hitch.

Just throw some dough in this pot.

Psssst. You have to put in a lot.

These are such great shoes.

Wear them and you'll never lose.

You'll be able to run 100 miles from the start.

No practice or buildup just get at Walmart.

This video is the best.

You'll be prepared for that test.

Learn it all in five minutes or less.

Surgery won't end up a mess.

This is the perfect profile.

You are sure in style.

One meeting and they'll be husband or wife.

None of that pesky dating strife.

These words are top notch.

You'll sell everything from litter to scotch.

With a simple add or say,

Your life will never go astray.

So relax and do.

You'll get a clue.

A clue for the do,

Which is nothing from you.

All is magic.

Nothing is tragic.

Trust what we say.

Simply sit and stay.

Do you believe such crap? The do nothing diet of some chap? Yeah, like that miracle thing will work. 5 mins and you can be a surgeon or a mail clerk. You can learn it all. You can even run from Timbuktu to the mall. All it takes is magic shoes. Run that far and you'll make the news. Pffft and I have bridge I'll sell you as well. It is $50,000 today only and can cast a spell. The spell can bring you whatever in mass. Feel free to wire it to my magical little rhyming ass.

Life takes work, forget the sales jerk.